I’m 22 and I had a massive mental breakdown.
I would imagine you’re going to read that and then hit the back button, wondering what kind of mentally wacked out person you’ve run across this time. No one has time or emotional energy to read honest statements in today’s sob story driven media.
So here is the good news. I’m not here to write a sob story.
*cue inner critic*
Inner Critic: Whew! Thank goodness! Last thing we need is you attempting to be anything other than a monotone action writer. Quite frankly, your emotional writing sucks.
Me: *wrestling my mind in an attempt to regain control* What do you mean my emotional writing ‘sucks’? I’ll have you know, I’ve managed to evoke anger and sadness in my readers before. I’m more than capable as a writer thank you very much.
Inner Critic: Let’s face it, you’re an angry little bunny. Getting people mad isn’t that hard, especially with the disasters you’ve written.
Me: *regains control and banishes Inner Critic to one of those disasters as punishment* HA! You malicious fool! Be gone! Back to the fiery pits from whence you came!
Where was I?
My goal here is to write the story of a young woman on a journey to find herself. A young woman who has spent the better part of her formative teenage and young adult years under the cowering fear of an over controlling and narcissistic family member.
Sound familiar? I would imagine many of my dear readers that have read this far can relate. Living with that fear of unworthiness and desperation for approval is painful, in more ways that one.
So here is what I want to share with you today. There is hope of moving on. Why? Because I’m no longer afraid.
Of course, I still have fear, I still don’t have the guts to be myself fully in front of my family. But I’m not afraid to stand up for myself and the life I want, consequences be damned. I’m not afraid to be on my own without the abusive support system I’ve fallen back on in the past.
That’s my story, dear readers. My goal isn’t to complain about life or garner sympathy. Everyone is suffering. But if I can give even one person under the abuse cycle a slight ray of hope from sharing my story, then that’s all I want.
“The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” – Walter Bagehot
At 22, I’m learning what ‘I love you’ means. I’m learning what it’s like to have friends. I’m learning what it’s like to do something that scares you. I’m learning how to live. There is a brave new world out there for me, and for each of us when we step off.
I’m going to have lots of fun people and experiences to share with you! My psuedo therapist, my pagan Norse pantheon worshiping best friend, my gentle music loving boyfriend, my eye patch wearing pirate uncle, and so many other colorful characters who I’ve come to call home.
There will be fun places to explore. Yummy food to make and be eaten. Books to review. Movies to watch. Music to listen to and sing off key. Numerous notebooks with abandoned writing projects. And dozens of other hobbies and experiences to be had.
So I hope you will scoot a little closer to the campfire and have some fun watching my journey unfold.
Till next time, my lovely readers!
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can.– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring